The Journey

There is a song "If I Could Change the World" by Eric Clapton that I think sums up my idea of relationships in general, not just romantic relationships. I am currently in a "friendlationship" (if you will) that has taken me by surprise.
The young man and I started out as friends and, in short, there is a mutual "liking" of one another. The only issue...I plan to leave soon to embark on the journey of a lifetime.
Its so funny, I am a romantic by nature and growing up I would read stories of strong-willed heroins who had love staring them in the face and the opportunity to settle down and have a family and be with the loves of their lives (images of Jane Austin novels, Little Women, and Como Agua para Chocolate come to mind) and I would be all but screaming at her to settle down and marry! Now, I silently urge them to run away and enjoy themselves .
How ironic life is, I have become just like my least favorite heroins who were so strong minded and eager for adventure that they would pass up what could quite possible be the love of their life. Now, however, I realize something that I wish I had seen from the beginning. Life, this insane and erratic journey, is by far the most incredible thing that could happen to us as humans. I am in love with my journey, now. As strange, and complicated, as it may sound, life is meant to be lived, truly lived, shared with multitudes and learned from. There is not much that we can take with us to the other side once our lives are over, but our legacy is the one thing that goes with us and at the same time stays to live on without us...(deep stuff, i know).

I guess that now I pity those who never got...no...never took the chance to live life to the fullest and are now so set in their ways that they see no other way to live. I thank God daily for my struggles, as hurtful and painful and all-together disintegrating as they may be, because I have learned and grown so much. I see what older people mean when they say that the bitter moments in life make the good times all the more sweeter.
There is a medicine called Buckley's that tastes like ammonia mixed with hell, but when the taste finally leaves your mouth and the urge to regurgitate goes away and you realize that you're no longer congested the feeling is greatly liberating, because you can breathe again. Thats how I feel about life and struggles and hope that I continue to feel.
The current facts about my life and struggles are: Yes, I have cried 2 times this week alone, and its not even Wednesday yet. Yes, I am still praying that God restores my relationship with my mother. Yes, I am still trying to get my medical portion completed for the Peace Corps so that I can leave in March ($$$), and Yes, I have conflicted feelings about a young man whom I greatly admire and hope that he will stick around for the 2 years and 3 months that I am to be gone. But life is here now, and I won't put adventure on hold for anyone but God.

I now see the point that Louisa May Alcott was trying to make with her character Josephine "Jo" March. I was so angry at her for not marrying Laurie, but I understand now. I have turned down a marriage proposal and I have not once regretted my decision to wait on the 2nd most important decision I will ever make. I still hope to, one day, desire to Change the World for someone special, but until that time I am so content to live my life and let God's will be done. (deep breath) With all of this said, good luck to all on your journeys, Stop trying to walk down someone elses path and blaze your own instead. I encourage you to do like Robert Frost and go for The Road Not Taken.


Paz,
Sarah