<Sigh>

December 28, 2008...I write this heavy hearted. Close to tears....nope, teary eyed. For anyone that has ever gone through conflicts with a parent, I encourage you. Through my frustration and sadness, I encourage you. A little background: I am in my mid-twenties, I moved back home after college. I pay rent, utilities, and then some. If I had known a year ago what I know now (those infamous words) I would most certainly have left long ago.
I know that there are many people connected to me that believe that I am still at home because I am co-dependent on my mother, and to some extent that may be so, but I truly felt (and still feel) that I would be wrong to leave my "parental unit" when she has no job and no way to afford her rent and other bills w/o my assistance. However, this is exactly what I am doing at this moment, well, not exactly this moment, I'm actually taking a break from packing; Nonetheless, I am moving, and growing up.
I write this for all of those 20 and 30 somethings that feel as if they can't break free. When they first met me, so many years ago, all of my friends thought that the issues I was having with my parent were my fault. I had people tell me to "try harder," "do more," and to "humble" myself. Well, after they met her and/or were cursed out or told off by her (usually b/c she felt that they were "taking me away" from her, another ) the tune they had so piously sung was changed.
Long story short, only you know your family. Only you know the pain you feel when you are berated or told you will fail w/o them. Only you know how bad it can get and how bad it has gotten (whether verbal, mental, emotional, or physical abuse). Most of all, only you know, even if its deep down inside, exactly what you need to do (please, don't get physical). My only advice, listen to Holy Spirit and use wisdom. Trust that God has your best interest at heart. It will be okay...(to myself) It WILL be okay.....
So, for all of those who thought that I was the one holding on and not letting go, yeah, not so much. I will continue to pray for my mother. I will always love my mother. Most of all, I still ache for my mother; because now almost 60, she has nothing to show for her life, except maybe me. And even though she has hurt me, I still love her and I pray that she will one day be able to receive that love w/o all of the anger and bitterness she has stored up over the past 20+ years.
I hope I don't follow in her footsteps, I don't believe I will bc I have learned to let go and truly let God; and I know that this too shall pass....